Some of the Dumbest Things That Happened on AHS

July 5, 2017 List, Reviews Comments (0) 30

Oh yes, there will be spoilers.

Asylum

  • Herein lies perhaps my greatest gripe with AHS and this season in particular. The asylum is run by great characters who are getting up to some serious dickens and makes me want to know what will happen. Then the aliens start coming more and more into the plot.
  • Aliens? ALIENS??
  • Is there not enough going on here? Are the terrestrial horrors not enough? Apparently not. After introducing a fascinating cast of characters we’re going to swing away from relying on them for key plot developments and instead focus on fucking alien abduction. If we need supernatural shit hey we’ve got a nun being possessed by the devil and weird zombie creatures as a result of a Nazi’s experiment. Instead we’re condemned to waste unbelievable amounts of screen time discussing what the metaphorical little green men have done. For me, this ranks right up there with “then he/she woke up and it was all a dream.”

 

Freak Show

  • Twisty the Clown, for those of you who may not remember, was the fellow wearing the enormous half-mask with a permanent grin. Twisty the Clown was a fine, horrifying figure, right up until we learn his origin. Immediately I had nothing but sympathy for him and while that was likely the goal of the producers, it ruined him for me as a horror character, which is a damn shame.
  • Oh my God let’s watch another song or dance number by Elsa. Jessica Lange may be a fine actress but watching her do endless musical interludes to satisfy her character’s need to be the center of attention was one of the most tedious parts of this season.
  • Edward Mordrake existed in urban legend before AHS and has been resurrected as a vehicle for extracting backstories from the freaks. Once again, there’s not enough going on to be interesting so let’s throw some supernatural shit in there and summon a legend from the grave who will be taking people to Hell because why not.

Hotel

  • Mr March had the potential to be scary, but he comes across as a fop playing second fiddle to Lady Gaga. A ridiculous waste of the acting talents of Evan Peters, but really, in this season–
  • Everything is about Lady Gaga! Well I exaggerate slightly and she does do a good job of being a scary vampire countess thing, but one grows tired of her fucking everything that moves.
  • If you’re in it for the fashion, this is probably your favorite season.
  • The first episode sows dozens of seeds of intrigue, one of which is the scary unicorn dildo rapist who makes a spectacular entry sodomizing a junkie and then ceases to be a factor until much, much later, and hardly even then.

Roanoke

Pretty much everything.

PS – Expect another withering editorial on season 7, if it truly turns out to be about the 2016 US Presidential Election.

Continue Reading